I'll teach you to fly
by Faith in yourself
Summary: Aaron meets Jackson in a different way...
1. The reflection and the shadow

I'll teach you to fly 

**Ok, so this is an idea I had, I know where it will lead...you guys don't, but may guess eventually. Aaron and Jackson meet in a different way. I'm just so tired of watching what's unfolding on screen, so I am writing this story a new way so it can't possibly lead to where it is going in the show. Aaron and Jackson will still be the same, just that Aaron doesn't meet Jackson the way we all watched him meet him.**

**The style is part plain, standard English...with a hint of metaphorical language in there too. Let me know what you think, if you don't like it I won't write it...ok, here goes.**

Chapter 1 – The reflection and the shadow

The life of Aaron Livesy has been...troublesome, to say the least.

He knows what it feels like, when the people you love the most in your life, turn their backs on you. Walking away when you go off the boil slightly, when you don't fit their expectations and you start to 'act up' as the grownups would say.

The feeling, just makes you sad, and it kills you.

His mum was the first to walk out. No warning, no explanation, just up and leaving without so much as a backward glance.

He deserved better than that, right?

Fast forward a couple of years, the pain of losing his mum in his life still hurts, still burns away under the surface, but he's got more pressing concerns now, other higher priorities on his mind.

He became a stranger to the people around him, a stranger to himself even...his reflection and his shadow were not the same, they were different halves of two people. His reflection representing his eyes, perfect blue diamonds, placed and resting with soft gentle features – the beauty of him.

Then there was the shadow, the burden, following him wherever he went, representing the danger he couldn't help but immerse himself in. The fighting kind he is, that fought so valiantly against what he wanted, what he couldn't help but need, the desires in his heart – the tragedy of him.

What people didn't realise was, the aggression in his nature, his misbehaviour, were all subconscious acts, subconscious acts to make people hate him.

Because he hated himself.

And people hating him well, it just made everything in sync didn't it? People hated him, he hated himself, it just makes things easier when everybody is on the same side.

So, in-between holding his breath, which helped him to hold who he really was back, and closing his bedroom door, closing his eyes, which helped him to close himself off, and the odd thought that he couldn't help slip though his grasp of imagining how perfect it would be to see Kyle naked...He changed.

Changed into an uncontrollable thug, who knew no boundaries, no restrictions when it came to rules.

He became what he thought he should be.

Well, this is how most 'straight' lads act don't they? Fearless, strong, angry, kicking the living shit out of people, just because you can.

What he didn't understand was, apart from the small minority who appear on the evening news, most straight lads are not violent, they don't attack for no reason.

But people who run away, people who are desperately trying to escape from their problems, young, mixed up kids who are confused, scared, alone...do 'act' out of character.

Crying out for attention, for all who care to know, seeking for an antidote, to make it all go away.

His dad failed to recognise this.

He put his behaviour down to...

To be honest, who knows? He simply shut his eyes away from his son, and rested his attention upon his new misses Sandra. And once they had a baby together, well, Aaron was no longer wanted.

He was just an outsider, looking in. His dad didn't understand, nor did he want to understand why he was behaving so bad, he just wanted him to disappear ASAP!

So did Aaron himself...

So when his troubled teenaged son hit his new wife, that was the excuse he had been waiting for.

Bye bye Aaron, your no longer wanted, or needed...

# # #

Fast forward a year, his mum is back in his life again, she's trying her best bless her, but that doesn't mean he should make it easy for her! She broke his heart, not that he would ever admit it.

She can't just swan back into his life when it suits her. Just because he was dumped at her door, does not mean that he belonged to her, that it gives her the green light to just, call herself his mum again because he needed a place to stay!

She had a long way to go before she could be forgiven.

But Aaron would never forget, he would always know what she did, always remember how she left him in pieces and she was the only one who could make him whole.

Although she did do one thing right for him, gave him the best thing that has ever happened to him...

Paddy.

Even though she nearly cocked that up for him when she when and got her rocks off with her old flame Carl King.

But Aaron didn't let that happen, he fought, fought more than he ever has in his life for a place in Paddy's home, for a place in the older man's heart.

He liked Paddy, he really really did. He didn't like him at first mind, but that was only because he knew the romance with his mother wouldn't last, so why should he bother making any effort with him?

He gave him hell, put him through so much shit. But Paddy just, carried on taking it, load after load of crap.

Aaron knew his mum was going to go off with Carl, he knew it deep down.

But he lied to himself, he was good at that, an expert at it. Lie after frigging lie he ate up, swallowed and hoped it would digest, sooner or later.

That's why he clung on to Paddy, not wanting to move out after it all ended with his mum and him. It was the only real place he could call home.

But he never usually gets what he wants, waking up day after day to a continual bad dream, checking every once in a while, asking himself, '_is it over yet, can I open my eyes?'_

Hoping against hope that the answer would be yeah, yeah, it's all over now...

But it could never be could it? Because no one chooses their sexuality, it chooses them.

He couldn't help but ask the question...was he ever meant to be happy?

That's why he was shocked beyond belief, when Paddy came bursting up the motorway, coming to rescue him and Clyde, to take them home, where they belonged.

One of the reason why he loved Paddy so much was because of his consistency.

His ability to see the good in him, each and every single time Aaron messed up, self destructing and ruining everything good in his life. He was on Aaron's side, no matter what. Aaron had never known such loyalty, not even his mates who he was terrorising the estate he lived on with gave him an ounce of the loyalty what Paddy gave him!

Paddy is just, good, good through and through. And Aaron knew he was a very lucky man to have him in his life.

Then there is Adam.

Who is, and always was, just a mate.

The incident in the car was a mistake, it never should of happened.

It's just, he was leaning in so close, and he could smell him, the aroma of male flesh filled his senses, pushing him wild.

For a split second, just for a split second he wanted him.

But that moment of error, like most things in his life, cost him. It twisted his life into the spiral of hollowness even further.

Adam told them.

He told Paddy, his mum, Cain and the rest of the Dingle clan.

Aaron told them it was rubbish of course, and he would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for the crimson colour in his cheeks, the guilty, vacant stare he expressed unknowingly, for all the world to see.

And for Paddy, accidently thinking out loud, forgetting the other people around. Whispering the words, '_now it all makes sense'. _

It didn't take long for the others to cotton on after that, his mum contemplating, '_is this the reason why he is so reluctant to talk about his life, his interests, his likes his dislikes?'_

While Cain figured it must be the reason why his nephew, who he thinks has a look of him, does not put himself/it about more!

All the while his family were deep in thought, their eyes remained firmly on him.

He couldn't breathe under their gaze, the hate crashing over him overwhelmed his every muscle.

But that still didn't stop him running, didn't stop his legs from sprinting his mind as far away from the truth as they possibly could.

The game was up...the truth, hidden behind the wall of lies had come crashing down.

They know the truth now, they know who he is...the question on Aaron's mind was...

Would they love him anymore?

But little did Aaron know, he always was, and always will be real.

He wasn't a monster, just gay.

He was normal. And the heart inside of him, was worth more than gold. He just needed to start believing the desires it withheld, are nothing to be ashamed of.

His family were ok with it. Paddy and his mum offering him unlimited support, day or night, they would be there, just like before...nothing would ever change that.

His uncle Cain did start testing the limits of which he could tease him about it, and for a while it really annoyed Aaron, but he soon realised it was just his uncles way of letting him know he was cool with it.

The rift between him and his best mate healed to after a few months of not speaking. Paddy persuading the teen that if it wasn't for Adam, he would still be denying who he truly was from everyone.

So, they agreed to meet up, to forgive and forget and let bygones be bygones. Adam texted Aaron the details of this bar that he wanted to check out with him, called Bar West.

Aaron got there just after Adam did, but was a little slow on the uptake, and failed to notice what exactly was going on around him.

When he finally did, he was...just a tad mortified, to say the least!

But even more angry when he realised that Adam knew this before hand, and that's why he wanted them to meet here, he thought it was a good idea for him to meet new people, people who were more on his wave length, so to speak.

And after a few weeks of them checking Bar West out again and again, Aaron finally did.

A bloke called Sam. He was a year older than Aaron -19. Same height, dark hair, just slightly longer on top, and more trendy. Sam wouldn't be seen dead in trackies tucked into his socks!

He was...a little camper than Aaron wanted. He didn't have a clue about cars, hated football and cared way too much about his appearance, dressing up to the nines for the most stupid of things, like nipping to the shop in the morning to get some milk, he wouldn't leave the house unless his hair was straightened!

Still, he did like pool, Aaron figured at least that was something.

They had been, dating, Aaron supposed, for about 6 weeks...

Then the time came.

Aaron wanted this. He desperately needed this! It would all make sense wouldn't it? All the anxiety, all the hang up's Aaron had about being gay, would all just, go away.

The moment would be perfect, it would feel like he had waited his whole life for this one night. Like he would become a star, that was hidden away from the worlds watchful eye for years, only to reach the surface, blazing across the horizon, flying past the midnight sun.

But it wasn't, it wasn't perfect...

He did not fall into the sunlight, and bask in all its glory, he did not see the world through brand new eyes.

After a bit of kissing and fumbling on Sam's sofa, the older man led them upstairs. And practically begged Aaron to come inside of him, in his annoying shrill voice that made Aaron wince, every single time he heard it.

Aaron did as he was told, he was a little reluctant, but he never does anything he doesn't want to do.

Aaron set the wheels in motion, he entered him. And from the off, looking at the face before him, made him feel sick! His high pitched moans were off putting, Aaron just wanted time to think, time for the magic inside of him to switch on the light, so he could see differently, feel differently, so he could fully accept who he truly was.

It was over.

His first time with a guy, done.

And it never brought him closer to what he truly wanted...

He wanted to feel alive, he wanted his soul to be set on fire, for the blaze to burn through him, and for the euphoria of freedom, liberation to soar and contaminate his every breath.

But now, all he wants to do, is set the sleeping man (who shouldn't be exhausted because he never did a single thing!)...on fire.

So he doesn't have to feel this pain, and burn alone.

The realisation of what had just taken place was beginning to dawn on Aaron. He had just slept with a man, a man!

Deep down this is all that he has ever wanted. To know what it feels like to spend the night with the same sex, to devour their body and make them come.

Tears started to stream down his face, when the thought hit him...

Him being gay is common knowledge, his family knew and were fine with it.

But he wasn't.

He still wasn't fine with it. The truth never set him free...it was something he has to do himself.

But how? He had just been with a guy for god's sake, and it still wasn't enough! Figuring out exactly how he has to let go and set himself free is, is too much.

Aaron quietly, but quickly, unwrapped Sam's arms from around him and put his clothes back on, creeping, without a sound, out of the door, out of the older man's life. He couldn't, wouldn't be able to do what he had just done with him again.

Walking down the street at 2 in the morning, the cold, bitter air hitting him in the face, walking to nowhere, this place, this world, really is of nowhere. Aaron was coming to a decision. It had been something he had thought of for such a long time, from such an early age.

The time was right, the time was perfect...

He's ready, he's ready now.

And now, he is here.

# # #

'_The view is amazing from here' _Aaron thought to himself. Looking out over the club balcony, it was deserted, all the lives were inside the bar, because no one comes out here in the winter months, well, maybe for a quick smoke, like he was doing.

The scene before him, painting the most extraordinary illusions dancing across his eyes, filling his mind, obscuring his sanity.

All rationality has drained from his body, hidden within his juices, which now lay spent inside of Sam.

He continued to gaze into the dark black fire that was the sky, until his eyes ...

Dropped lower, falling onto the harsh ground below.

Without so much as a breath, Aaron swiftly climbed onto the rail, balancing his life on the air.

The door of the club opened behind him...unknown to him.

Without a thought, Aaron could take his existence away, he knew this, despite his head being lost like tears in the rain.

He felt lost, and he has been waiting for his whole life, for the shine of the sun to leave him star struck, to make everything alright.

He can't fight to be happy, not anymore. He has been fighting with himself forever, he was tired now, he is not the fighting kind, he never was...he just had to be.

But not now, not now he has accepted, he will never be free...he will never fly.

So he will let the sky take him.

He held his breath, waiting for the moon to catch him, closing his weary eyes, this is it...this is it...

But little did he know, his every action wasn't going unnoticed. For a body lurked within the dark behind him.

Their face hidden, concealed within the shadows.

Anxiously, desperately needing to save the life in front of him, which will end within seconds if he doesn't react now.

So the body stepped forward, walking with the dark...

All that could be seen, was just a hint of material, a red checked shirt, clinging to his body...

His body, that illogically cried out to save the unknown man in front of his eyes.

TBC

(If you want more just let me know)


	2. To set the sky alight

**Hope you enjoy :D**

Chapter 2 – To set the sky alight

The things you do, to make yourself feel alive.

How ironic that he feels like he is soaring beyond his problems, feeling so good...

When he is about to jump into the air, and dive into the cold harsh ground, hitting the blocks of slab below, ending it all.

He can feel his heart beating, he can hear the sound, thumping erratically like it's about to break out of his chest any second.

The thoughts inside his head are crashing together, flashes, images of his life are burning holes inside his stomach, tying him in knots.

Images of his mum, her walking out and leaving him with his so called father.

But images of her now, the person she had become, the caring, selfless woman she is now. And he couldn't help but admit to himself, she had righted every wrong she had ever made with him.

He quickly moved his thoughts on.

Paddy.

No, no not Paddy! He couldn't think about the older man, not now, not after everything he has done for him, letting him into the home he had always needed, so desperately wanted. He can't picture his face now, not knowing what he is about to do, would do to his dad.

So he decided it best not to think at all.

Just to feel, let his body do the talking, and take him far away from here...this was it, this was it...

The sound of the wind struck into his ears, into his head.

But nothing else happened!

Nothing happened! All he had done was just closed his eyes.

The tears formed and multiplied behind his eyes, ready to tumble and crawl to the surface at any given moment, dropping , like diamonds on the floor.

He couldn't do it.

But why, this was what he wanted, right? It's all he wants, to be free.

'_Common Aaron, common, man up, just do it, just jump' _he thought to himself. Geeing himself up.

He opened his eyes, staring at the passersby below, they hadn't noticed him, he didn't want them to.

He watched them go, waiting for them to clear one by one.

Until No one was there, nothing in his way...

But, he doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to leave, not like this.

But he doesn't want to stay either.

So, what else was there?

There's no other way out, there's no middle ground! There's nothing left, life has took everything he has ever had, and tossed it in the trash. All his spirit, all his fight, all gone.

If he could click his fingers and make everything magically reappear he would, if he could give the so little he has away to get it all back again he wouldn't hesitate to do so.

But he couldn't. He had accepted it...It's over.

It was over, before it ever really begun.

He sucked in the harsh, altitude contaminated air deeply into his lungs. Leaving a bitter taste in his mouth, one that he could live without.

So, how does it feel, knowing the worst is about to be over, and he will never breathe again?

Aaron didn't ask himself this, but if he did, he wouldn't have known, the haze around his mind has left him blind, so blind he can't see what's going on.

He just wants to fly...to set the sky alight...to be free.

He wiped the tears away with his weathered fingers, and put his hands up into the air, surrendering, admitting to the defeat his has endured against life.

Slowly lifting his heels up off the ledge...

It's too late...for anyone to talk him down...

# # #

Aaron tried so desperately not to hear...

But the whisper behind him, is talking so loud, so delicately, travelling softly into his ears, breaking through this black night with colour...

"Are things...really that bad?" The man spoke softly, his tone sad, desperately trying not to scare the younger man, he wouldn't want any sudden movements as the ledge he is stood upon was not so thick!

Aaron slowly, begrudgingly pulled away from the blackness behind his eyelids...and opened his eyes.

Was this a sign that what he was about to do wasn't meant to be?

Aaron couldn't help ask himself the question.

But he quickly disregarded it...no, him being here tonight was right, he thought, being here, with the glow of the moon watching him, this was right.

Almost like, what he was about to do, was written in the stars.

But what the hell was this man doing here?

"Leave me alone, you don't know me, go back into the club...you never saw me, got it?" Aaron said sternly, not bothering to tell the man to his face, he hoped he would just get the message to back off!

"I...I can't mate" He had no idea what he was doing, he felt out of his depth, this had to be the most stressful, critical, mind blowing situation he has ever been in!

He knew only one thing...he had to stop this, he had to guide the younger man to safety.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Aaron said angrily "It's easy, just go back in doors and pretend I don't exist, what's so difficult about that?" This guy was starting to really getting on his nerves now.

Jackson wasn't prepared for this, he had absolutely no clue what to say next, it's not like he has had practice at trying to talk someone down from jumping off a balcony!

"What's your name?" '_yeah, great question you div', _the man thought to himself, even he knew that was stupid, and from how hostile the younger man has been so far, he knew this was going to rattle him even further!

"Just do one yeah!" Aaron sighed in frustration, he hadn't even seen this guys face, but already he disliked him, he probably would hate the look of him straight away!

"You know, it's rude not to make eye contact when someone is speaking to you, you know?" '_Where the hell had that come from'_ the older man practically screamed internally at himself.

"You know, you really are getting on my nerves now"

"Then why not come down here and get rid of me then, solve both of our problems?"

Aaron couldn't hold back the pull of his lips forming an ever so subtle smile, just detectable to the human eye!

"That was quite clever, you nearly had me then" Aaron admitted, an ever so slight chuckle in his tone.

Ok, so he didn't really hate this guy, but he still wasn't won over by him!

Sensing a tear in the younger man's demeanour, the man slowly released the breathe he never realised he was holding, taking a step closer to Aaron's back.

But he knew he couldn't reach out and take him, it was too risky, anything could go wrong.

"You never did tell me your name?" The man asked again, hoping this time he will answer him.

Aaron thought about it for a moment, should he tell this stranger his name?

But what was the point in not telling him...he was still going through with what he planned.

He was still going to jump, and never look back.

"Aaron"

He said simply, he didn't need to say anything else, his surname was none of his god damn business!

The silence lingered between the two men. The man was too busy trying desperately to think of his next move, his next question. Should he ring the police? Or would this result in pushing the younger man over the edge before he had even finished the phone call. He could always sneak back into the club and alert someone to call them.

But that would evolve leaving him.

He couldn't leave the younger man, not now. Not now he needed someone to save him.

Aaron wondered what was going on, he knew the man hadn't left, he could just detect the man's shallow breathing behind him.

"What's...what's your name?" Aaron asked hesitantly. He was just stalling, stalling until the courage he had a second ago before the man interrupted his fall came back.

"You really wanna know?" the older man asked surprised, he never thought he would have any questions thrown back at him.

"Well I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't you div!" Aaron shot back, although it didn't sound as harsh as he wanted it to.

He could just about make out the man's chuckle under his breath. _Why can't I just jump already_, he thought angrily to himself.

The man was pulled from his thoughts quickly, he was taking too long to think, he knew this now...he was just going to have to act on impulse, on instinct.

No more thinking, just feeling...he had to know how to get the younger man out of this!

He answered the younger man's question...

"Jackson...my names Jackson"

"What...like the singer?" Although he knew he should be fighting against it, but Aaron couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah" Jackson laughed along, joining in the joke "If ya like, I've had it all my life.

Although my mum wouldn't think it funny, I was actually named after one of her favourite artists...of the paint variety, not the singing".

Aaron couldn't help it, a smile spread across his face, again he chuckled softly at what Jackson had said.

The man was going up in his estimations.

Was dying meant to feel this good?

"I hope you don't mind me saying" Jackson began, although he wished he didn't, but he started now so he had to finish.

"For someone so close to the edge, should you really be laughing?

Doesn't that tell you something?" Jackson hesitated, he really didn't want him to go back into his shell again.

"Yeah, it does...that I must be mental to find whatever you say funny" He said annoyed "Probably would get a good laugh if I set eyes of your ugly mug" Aaron spat out from thin air, he didn't have a clue where that came from.

He didn't sound ugly, Aaron mused...wait, did that make sense, Aaron thought.

'_That's the trouble, I'm doing too much thinking' _Aaron said to himself, he wanted to shut his brain off completely.

"Well why don't you come over here and have a good look at me, decide if I'm unattractive or not?" Jackson asked hopefully. And he really was hoping, all his instincts told him to pull out all the stops to stop this! He knew he was just a stranger, he knew he hadn't even clapped eyes on his face. But something within him told him that he had to live...he just had to!

Aaron rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I'm gonna fall for that!"

"Well, you nearly did last time I said to come down, you should always give things another go at least twice" Jackson said softly.

That got Aaron thinking. He had only been with a man once, and not even in the way he wanted! If first you don't succeed...try again, right?

No, no because this was more than just about his sexuality. Yeah, his sexuality is the main cause of this...

But there is more to it than that.

He doesn't feel comfortable in his own skin, he's never happy. He goes mental if his pint is a little bit flat for gods sake!

There's no way out, no other way out than this.

It had all gone quiet. Jackson waited and waited, until he figured he was never gonna get an answer. This was bad, he needed to keep him talking.

"You probably have friends to get back to" Aaron stated solemnly, he wanted him to go now, _he _himself was getting ready to go soon, he can feel the courage to jump into another world, building within him again.

"Well" Jackson began, trying desperately to lie to himself, to tell himself that everything will work out, that he never heard the change in the younger man's voice, so he tried his best to keep his tone light.

"No, actually, it's a funny story, well, not yet it is anyway, maybe in a few days it will be.

I got a phone call about 20 minutes ago, me mate saying he had been stood up, so he wanted me to go and keep him company here.

Got out of bed, got here, looked around and couldn't see him, so I rung his mobile and heard him AND his date laughing in the back ground, telling me he bet his new partner that I would fall for it. Should have seen it coming to be honest, my mate Sol is like that, always playing practical jokes".

Aaron couldn't hold back his laugh "mate that is cruel but...how gullible are you?" He laughed heartedly.

Jackson couldn't help but laugh as well, he knew he was gullible "Very, I'm too trusting, my mum always says I go in heart first!

She'll say 'I said to myself self, I said Hazel, that boy of mine really does take after me, soft as shit'" Jackson laughed, feeling triumphant that he got the impression of his mother spot on!

"Oh my god, your whole family are like you to?" Aaron chuckled uncontrollably, he knew this was wrong but...this guy just really made him smile!

"Yep, whole family of gullible nut jobs"

The laughter lasted a few more moments, then the silence came back again.

Until Jackson broke through the absence of sound, his tone taking a serious turn.

"You could be happy mate.

I could help you, if you want, you just need someone to talk to, you can talk to me, tell me anything" Jackson spoke hopefully, desperately.

"No" was all Aaron said, tears threatening to fall again.

"I could get you a job if you don't have one, I'm a builder, I'm working on a new contract not far from here, we need more men to help us finish the job on time. I'll give you a job no problem, it's yours already, my boss won't mind me giving you a job without an interview, I will say we go way back, he won't ask any questions when I tell him that.

Aaron felt his lips pull a little, into a small smile, this man really is a good bloke, Aaron thought.

He was just about to speak, when the older man, in his haste, cut across him.

"Or, if you want, we could hit the club scene together, if you aren't got no one to go with, I could help you find a girlfriend, or if you want just one night stands I can help ya hook up with some fit birds"

That was it, right there, right there...

That had made up Aaron's mind, he needed out, he can't handle this!

"I've got a job thanks, and loads of mates, I aren't some saddo with no one to talk to You've got no idea what I'm going through" Aaron let slip the last bit, he really didn't want to talk any more.

The tears are coming furiously now, he couldn't speak even if he wanted to, the sobs have took over his body, making him hurt like never before.

"Tell me, tell me what you're going through" Jackson pleaded, he had a sinking feeling in his stomach, what can he do to make this stop?

Aaron forced the words, out from his lips, choking on them as they left his mouth.

"I know who I am...and that's the trouble. I can't change it, I can't make it go away.

I know who I am now...but I don't want to believe it, but I can't deny it anymore.

This is the only way to stop it" Aaron lifted his heels, ever so slightly, off the ground again, closing his eyes, inching closer to the midnight sky.

Jackson panicked, what can he say...WHAT THE HELL IS HE SUPPOSED TO SAY TO STOP THIS...So he said the first thing that came into his head...

"If you jump..."

His words were left to hang in the air.

# # #

Something changed, Aaron could feel it.

But he didn't want to open his eyes...

But, curiosity got the better of him...he slowly opened his eyes.

Turning his head to the side, to see him standing beside him.

He saw him, he saw Jackson's face.

Their eyes locked, taking in everything that they see before them, mapping the other features line by line...for the first time.

Aaron lost himself in golden, hazel eyes, that twinkled beneath the moonlit night.

And Jackson finally figured out why he was drawn to him, why he was here, stood beside him.

Aaron was, he was perfect.

Beautiful.

And so young, he knew why he felt the pull inside of him, so strong, to save him.

He had to!

Aaron couldn't breathe. The eyes staring back at him are intoxicating, sending euphoric shocks in every direction within his body, crashing over and into him. He could stay like this forever, in this moment, losing all rationality. Because his eyes, star gazing into Jackson's eyes, feels so right.

But he knows it has to end.

"Come down with me" Jackson whispers, his soft breath lightly caressing Aaron's face delicately.

Their eyes still locked in a tight embrace, Jackson longed to take the confused younger man into his grasp, to hold him, and make everything go away.

But he knew he couldn't, '_for starters he is so straight'_ Jackson thinks to himself.

"I can't" Aaron chokes out, the sobs that regularly invade his existence comes to the surface once again.

He looks towards the ground, that's where his future lies...at the bottom of this building!

His tears began to fall, disappearing into the dark, the cold concrete absorbing every drop.

"Look at me" Jackson pleads, practically begging him to do as he asks. Wanting desperately to make him understand, whatever the problem, he can get through it, _they, _can get through it, if he wants him there, Jackson doesn't need to be asked twice.

Then, out of nowhere, Jackson says something that shocks them both, it scares himself so much...because it's the truth...

"If you go...I'll go, I'll fall too"

"What?" Aaron asks stunned, he can't have heard him correctly could he? He was a stranger, they were strangers to each other.

Jackson means it...he really, really means It.

He doesn't know why, he doesn't know how it happened but, he would go to any great lengths to save him, and even if that means his life ends in the process...then so be it.

"You heard me" Jackson states defiantly.

The tears fall harder, faster from Aaron's lost blue eyes. He can't believe it, the truth is there to see, the truth is shinning, glaring from the older man's every pore, he really means it.

Aaron couldn't comprehend why, why would he do this...but all he can think of is, he is glad to have him on his side, he is glad he is standing by his side.

"Take my hand" Jackson whispers, holding out his hand, offering Aaron safety, offering him so much more if he wanted it.

Aaron gazed at the smooth, delicate hand near his own, a million thoughts racing through his mind.

Aaron was in pieces. Shattered into a million glass diamonds on the floor. But the question is...

Are the shards of him, too sharp...to be put back together?

Will he be broken forever?

Aaron shut down the thoughts inside his head. He couldn't think, not anymore.

He slowly places, and intertwines his fingers around Jackson's...

He's not thinking anymore, not thinking...

He's feeling.

Aaron watches the watery smile spread across the older man's face, his grin, lighting up his whole face, breathing in the essences of him...

God he is so beautiful.

"I've got you" Jackson said softly.

And he has, he has got him, with every fibre of his body he will hold onto him

"I've got you"

Aaron steps one foot down from the ledge, still grasping, maintaining Jackson's hand in his.

But the sudden action, causes Jackson jerk his legs back instinctively.

Losing his footing over the ledge, Aaron comes forward, crashing his body into the ledge, Jackson's body, now hanging over the balcony...

But Aaron still held Jackson's hand in his...holding on for dear life...

"JACKSON"

TBC

**Like it? ... Let me know if you do, if you do I will write more very soon**


	3. Sick is the new sane

**Thank you so so much for the kind reviews, not used to so many, please keep them coming, they really help me to write x**

Chapter 3 – Sick is the new sane

Aaron was only looking for a short cut out of here, out of this world. He was only trying to bury the pain.

For too long in his life he has been denying the truth of who he is.

And now he is tired of lying, so tired of trying, everything that has happened to him is water under the bridge. He knows that. It's all happened, he gets it...it is what it is.

He knows there is no making it now. He just wants his family to move on with their lives without him, because...

He is already gone.

Everybody told him what to do, his mum and Cain told him what to think, Paddy told him what to say, Adam told him where to turn, and the whole village told him not to be ashamed and never run away.

But no one told him how to feel. They couldn't, they couldn't feel _for him_ could they?

And nobody showed him how to live...how to love.

Everybody around him changed, moving onwards and upwards with their lives...but he never. He was still the same, he still didn't feel real.

He has hit a wall, and he can't get passed it

If time could turn him around, so he could find what was once lost, to finally find his fire for life again it would solve all his problems.

But it can't...

His time is up.

But he wished he could say...it was only his life, that time ran out on.

# # #

Aaron couldn't hear, the words that were drilling into his ears are just noises, polluted, distorted voices hurting his head.

He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, what the hell, what was happening?

Then somewhere, somewhere between his twisted head and his broken heart...

He heard him.

"Aaron, Aaron don't let go, Aaron just please move back, pull me up" Jackson pleaded frantically, gripping the younger man's hand for dear life with both of his, praying to god he can break the trance that the confused teenager was clearly in!

Aaron, tears in his eyes, shock saturating his entire body, finally jumped into action, using what little sanity he had left to save him.

Proving to the world that sick, is the new sane.

"I've got you, I won't let go of you Jackson" Aaron said meaningfully, defiantly, using all of the little bit of life he has left in him, with all his might, pulling the older man to safety.

Jackson lay exhausted on the balcony floor, breathing in and out deeply, as if his body had forgotten how to do it. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to calm his racing heart.

But realising where he was...and who he was with, he quickly came back to his senses, opening his eyes immediately...

To find two scared, hesitant, broken blue eyes staring back at him.

"Aaron" Jackson spoke softly "it was an accident" He stated, reading the younger man's mind perfectly "Your not to blame"

"You nearly died because of me!" Aaron spat, wanting, no needing Jackson to see it from his side, he was to blame, he is to blame for everything!

Jackson got to his feet quickly, closing some distance between them, but giving Aaron his personal space.

"I'm clumsy on my feet, I trip over them in an empty room...I'm from a family of nut jobs remember?" Jackson tried to lighten the mood, but knew he was failing miserably.

"You should of just let me jump" Aaron whispered honestly, casting his eyes to the floor, thinking about the life standing in front of him, which he could of so easily ended because of his own stupidity.

"No!" Jackson said quickly, stepping forward, into Aaron's personal space without thinking, instinctively bringing his fingers to brush, ever so softly over Aaron's stubbly cheek.

And he gazed in wonder, at the sheer contentment that spread across the younger man's face, watched as Aaron began closing his eyes, leaning into his touch for ever so briefly, whilst listening intently at the blissful sigh released from his lips.

'_Did I just dream that?' _Jackson couldn't help but ask himself, before quickly dropping his hand back down to his side.

'_Did I just dream that touch?' _Aaron asked himself confused, '_What the hell!'_

Aaron stepped back immediately, he couldn't be so near to the older man, not when his mind is playing tricks on him...he couldn't risk him knowing what he is!

Jackson couldn't help feel a little disappointed at Aaron's actions, putting further space between them. He couldn't let the younger man retreat back into himself now, that would be unthinkable.

"Listen, I don't know about you, but I could do with a drink" Jackson started hesitantly.

He watched Aaron turn his head around, watching the young revellers enjoying themselves on the dance floor inside, completely oblivious to what has just transpired outside.

"I don't live far, and I have some beers in fridge if you fancy it?" Jackson held his breath waiting on his answer, he watched the confusion of what to do written so evidently on the teen's face.

He couldn't take it any more...

"Please" Jackson whispered softly.

And they were both shocked to hear the need in Jackson's voice, it was pure need! Jackson couldn't quite believe the effect the younger man was having on him, especially as Aaron is so evidently straight!

But this wasn't really about _that._

This was about helping someone in need, someone in need of a friend, someone to talk to, someone with answers.

And although Jackson wasn't sure he did have all the answers, he knew one thing...

He would damn well try his best!

# # #

"Come on in, make yourself comfortable, I'll go and get those beers" Jackson said cheerfully.

And he was cheerful.

Aaron had dug his heels in, refusing to go to Jackson's house, just wanting to go home.

But Jackson never gave up. He never does, not when he wants something.

He stepped towards the younger man, holding his gaze, falling into an unspoken conversation, their eyes communicating what they both really want to each other.

Jackson watched in awe, sapphire blue eyes, twinkling in the sunlit night, breaking the night with luminous sparkles.

And for a minute, it was as if to Jackson that Aaron, was the only thing in the world...in colour.

Aaron was the one to break eye contact first, staring beyond Jackson at the setting moon behind him, signifying that the morning was within reach.

He stared back at him, diving into dark, warm whirlpools. The truth hitting him in the face...

He didn't want his time with the older man to end...not yet.

...

Jackson returned from the kitchen with two cans in hand, stopping suddenly to see Aaron, hadn't quite made himself at home as he had asked him to.

"Is the sofa not to your liking sir?" Jackson teased, hoping he can put the teen at ease.

Aaron just rolled his eyes, but his insides flipped, what was it about this man that made him feel like...well, just made him feel...

It was a pleasant change from constantly feeling hollow, and lost.

Jackson was the first to sit, patting the vacant space next to him, encouraging Aaron to sit next to him.

Jackson couldn't help notice the hesitation in the younger man's posture as he slowly made his way towards him, but when Aaron sat exactly where Jackson wanted him to, their legs touching ever so slightly, he grinned with delight, on the inside.

Jackson passed Aaron a can "So, what do you think of the place?" Jackson asked him, although kicking himself, what a stupid question, but he really didn't know how to kick things off with him.

"It's no palace...but it's ok" Aaron teased, but it was a lie actually, he quite liked it, the place had a real nice feel to it.

"You cheeky git" Jackson laughed "I'll have my beer back then" Jackson teased, going to take the can out of the younger man's hands.

"No no" Aaron chuckled out loud, taking a swig of the already opened can.

"Eh hang on, this is already opened"

"I opened it in the kitchen when I did mine" Jackson answered honestly.

"So how do I know you have not spat in it?" Aaron asked, in mock horror.

"You don't" Jackson stated simply, trying his very best to keep a straight face, but he failed miserably!

They both relaxed quickly after that.

Talking about anything, everything. Jackson had even turned his docking station on, letting his Ipod fill the air with music, serving as a back drop to the gentle atmosphere...whilst they both avoided the inevitable conversation for as long as possible.

Jackson knew Aaron wouldn't bring it up. He couldn't help but smile at how well he knew the teen already, it was like as if he knew him like the back of his own hand!

But his smile quickly faded away, when he realised the time had come for him to coach Aaron into talking, it's the only way if he stands any chance of helping him.

"You want me to talk now don't you?" Aaron interjected across Jackson, before the builder had a chance to ask his questions.

"Well, we have been talking for nearly an hour already" Jackson joked "But yeah, yeah I want us to talk for real"

"What do you want to know?" Aaron sighed, rolling his eyes in the process, he hated talking about his feelings!

"Well" The builder began "I want you tell me what you want me to know, what do you want me to know Aaron?" Jackson asked softly.

Aaron was thrown by that question. He had not expecting that!

But he caught sight of the man sitting next to him, warm, chocolate eyes searching his, then he realised, he realised...

He wanted Jackson to know everything. For some, unexplainable reason, he wanted the older man to grasp his earlier actions, his feet balancing on the rail, balancing his life on the air...he wanted him understand...why he always feels like this.

Just then, in that moment, a new song played out from the corner of the room, it's beautiful strings enveloping the air around them, they both could hear it coming, they could hear that sound, washing over them, anticipating the purity of the words.

Aaron began telling Jackson, his life...

"It all started when I was a kid..."

...

_I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind_

...

"...I came home from school, then my dad told me, he told me she had left us, she had left me..."

_..._

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out, you left me in the dark_

_..._

"...She wouldn't, she wouldn't shut up, and I lashed out, and I hit her, I hit Sandra, my dad's new wife..."

_..._

_No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight_

_..._

"...I took Clyde, didn't bother leaving a note, I just took off, I had no clue where I was going when we ended up on the motorway, or what would happen to me..."

...

_I tried to find the sound, but then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness, so darkness I became._

"...And I, I erm, and I, I...kissed, I kissed him, I kissed my best mate"

...

_I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map, and knew that somehow I could find my way back_

# # #

'_What?_

_What, wait, I didn't hear that correctly...did I' _Jackson thought to himself.

Jackson heart started racing...

Was his mind playing tricks on him?

He was now practically aching for the next words to leave Aaron's lips...

"And he told them, he told everyone, everyone who I love, everyone who loved me finally knew the truth, they finally found out I was gay" Aaron whispered, just audibly so Jackson could hear him.

Jackson leaned back into the sofa.

He had listened, listened intently to the story of a broken heart, come true, the tale of a tragedy that never ended.

The story has concluded.

And now Jackson has realised...him and Aaron, Aaron and him...

Are the same.

They both want the same thing.

Jackson let the smile, wrap around his core, whilst his heart fell into the sunlight, now radiating from his every pore. His soul, dancing, basking in all it's glory.

Until...until his heart was eclipsed.

Until he was left, in darkness.

His senses, now brought back down into reality.

Jackson quickly pulled himself together, burying the pain of realising that this is actually... the worst possible outcome in the world!

Aaron watched the older man frown, maybe opening up to a stranger, ok admittedly, a sexy stranger but who was clearly straight, was a bad idea.

"I'll go..." Aaron said quickly, getting to his feet.

This really pulled Jackson back down to earth.

"What...what no don't go" Jackson said immediately, pulling the younger man back down to the sofa beside him without thinking.

"Are you...are you" Aaron started slowly...

"Am I ok with it? Of course I am" Jackson reassured him "In fact...I'm..." Jackson hesitated, quickly changing his mind about what he was about to say "I'm completely fine with it"

They descended into silence.

Both thinking about anything...everything about what had just happened. But the thoughts inside each other's heads...were saying different things.

"The reason why, I was there tonight" Aaron began hesitantly, instantly pulling Jackson from his thoughts.

Aaron was going to tell him more, and it's all Jackson wants, it's all he has wanted since he clapped eyes on the younger man's face...

The contents of his head.

"I slept with a guy earlier tonight...for the first time..."

Jackson internally combusted! This is the last, the very last thing he wants to hear right now, he can't, he can't imagine him with another guy...he just can't!

But...

"Go on" Jackson encouraged him softly, but he had no clue why!

Well he did. And right now he hated the fact that he needed to know everything that was going on in Aaron's mind.

Aaron breathed in deeply, trying hard not to hear the beating, like a drum inside his chest, before...for reasons unknown to him, sharing a bit more of himself, to the stranger beside him.

"It just...I thought it would help. I thought that once it was over, I would feel differently, like everything would make sense...

But it didn't" Aaron whispered sadly, holding his head in his hands.

Jackson reached out his hand, wanting to run his fingers down the back of the younger man's neck, and wrap him in his arms until the cold goes away...

But he can't. He can't do it. So he reluctantly places his hand back down onto the sofa, while his heart yearns to reach out, reach out and take him.

But he has to say something, but how can he speak when his feelings for the man beside him are growing by the minute...well, a part of his body is growing by the minute!

"Aaron" Jackson started slowly, he had no idea where this will lead "You put too much into it, you put your whole life into this, into this one night. And, you were wrong to do so.

You pinned all your hopes on this one night, and it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair on the guy you were with, and most importantly...

It wasn't fair on you.

Your trying to force it, and all that will do is leave you feeling angry, frustrated, and, as tonight has proved, leave you nowhere to turn.

You're over thinking your life.

Waiting for something to come that you don't even know what it is. You should stop thinking mate...

You should start feeling instead. Start feeling for what's right instead of thinking what is"

Aaron listened to him, absorbing his every word. Sighing to himself when the older man had finished.

"_Why couldn't I work that out!" _Aaron thought to himself, although he wasn't angry, he just knew it made sense, the older man really did have a way with words.

Aaron pulled his head from his hands, and gazed, smiling at the builder.

He was smiling back.

"Promise me, promise me you won't let things get as far as they did tonight, ok...

You've got me now, I'm in ya life" Jackson said grinning, bumping his shoulder with Aaron's.

And Jackson meant it, he meant it with every fibre in his body, he was going to be in Aaron's life...

Just not in the way they both want.

"Ok, cheers for tonight yeah, we'll meet up, go for a drink" Aaron said, getting to his feet.

"Where do you think you're going?" Jackson asked perplexed.

"Home, it's seven in the morning, I need to go home and get some shut eye, I'm in work at one"

"Well, stay the night" Jackson whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat, he so wanted it to be in the way he wanted him to spend the night!

"Erm...it's morning" Aaron laughed, feeling awkward where he stood, he really, really didn't want to leave this place, there was something about it he liked...or someone he liked in it.

"Oh yeah" Jackson joined in the laughing "Well, take the sofa, the transport around here is terrible this time in the morning, nothing runs properly till after nine"

"Ok" Aaron said, a little too quickly than he liked. But he just couldn't help himself, he just couldn't say no to the builder, after all...he did talk him down, talk him down from jumping from the sky, into the cold, harsh ground below.

"well, there's some sheets and things in that cupboard over there, help ya self.

And, I'll see you in a few hours, if ya lucky I'll make you 'breakfast in sofa'" Jackson laughed, although he had no idea why, it was a lame joke!

"Ok...night Pal" Aaron said, watching the builders retreating back into another room.

Although it would be a long time before he gets to sleep, his mind is racing, thoughts chasing in each other round and round.

Realising to himself, how in a matter of a few hours, his life had gone from lost...

To found.

Jackson had found him, on the brink of despair, and fixed his broken head.

Aaron could see clearly now, he knows who he is.

'_And if someone as perfect as Jackson thinks I'm ok, that I'm worth saving, then I can't be all bad" _Aaron thought to himself, tucking the covers over his body, making himself comfortable on the sofa...

"_Just a shame he is straight" _The last thought he had, before closing his eyes, begging for sleep to take him.

# # #

Mean while...

Jackson was lying awake in his bed, trying, trying desperately to convince himself that...

Everyone must go through this sometimes, he is not the first.

Aaron coming into his life is like Jackson is sticking his head in the sunshine, sending a warm glow shooting across every direction in his body.

But he is expecting the worst.

He is trying desperately not to...but he is.

He can't _not_ be there for him, he has to be in Aaron's life in some form, the teenager needs someone, and he wants it to be him.

But his involvement in Aaron's life, cannot be in the form Jackson wants.

Sure, he can be the one to exercise the demons from the younger man's past, he will make damn sure he does that!

But he can never satisfy the wants, the needs...the desires in Aaron's heart.

Jackson sighed to himself, turning over in his bed, trying his very best to block out the man asleep on his sofa.

Instead, forcing himself to think about other things, other people...

Someone else.

James.

The man who has been in his life for the past 3 years...

TBC

**Like it? If you didn't like the middle with the song I won't do that again, Let me know what you think so far, if you want more, tell me and I will upload more very soon x**


	4. A million life times

**I was on my laptop having a spring clean of my icons, when I came across this. It aint a new chapter, it's about 400 words what I did way back in April. I may have made a mistake uploading this - something so feeble, but I thought I'd just do it anyway. I will not be able to finish the story, despite me promising people who private message me I would, I'm sorry. My life and motivation just are not in sync, I'm done with AarSon stories. But thank you to all the people who reviewed this and all my stories :D x**

**A million Lifetimes**

Jackson was the first to wake...from a not so fitful sleep.

The afternoon sun was approaching, already glaring through the curtains...leaving him blind.

He couldn't stop thinking about Aaron.

His story turning over and over in his head, hearing about all the younger man's fears, doubts, thoughts and feelings he has been saving for such a long time, left him heartbroken for the teen.

At home, Aaron was never really the focus...but always there...just like the air, you would know it was gone, but it would be too late before the realisation hit you.

And Jackson knew he would miss him, if he was just to disappear without a trace.

He couldn't make sense of it! How had this happened?

All he knew was some sort of spark inside of him, attached itself to someone called Aaron Livesy, who he had only known for just a matter of hours, yet feels like a million lifetimes.

He wants to help shed all the younger man's hang ups, help him to wake up to better things...

He wants to say to him that everything will be ok, and for it to be enough, he wants him to believe him, he needs him to trust him, trust him to make things better, to make things alright.

He just didn't know why though...

# # #

"Has anybody ever told you, you can be a right miserable pratt!" Jackson said to Aaron jokingly, having stared at the younger man across the table eating his tea and toast for the past 10 minutes...noticing that he isn't exactly a ray of sunshine when he first wakes up!.

"Er...yeah" Aaron grumbled, laughing in the process, he couldn't help it, he hates mornings, but he supposed everyone does, but they just handle it better.

"Did you sleep well on the sofa?" Jackson asked around a mouth full of coffee.

"Yeah, slept good" Aaron lied "you need a new one though, think the springs on it have had it"

"Damn, that will be my mother's fault, she slept on it last time she was here, lets just say she's no dainty doll" Jackson joked, he knew it was a cheap laugh at his mums expense, but she wasn't here! And besides...he had been up nearly 20 minutes and he hadn't seen the younger man crack a smile yet, he would do or say just about anything to see that!

It worked though.

The younger man beamed a smile that took Jackson's breath away. It was contagious, like a chemistry between them, he couldn't help but smile back, grinning like a loon!


End file.
